Disclaimer: For those of you to whom Ms. Knowles is a personal hero, relax...these are just jokes. She is an excellent performer, so respect due, but the effect she has on her fans is ridiculous. Beyonce Knowles is making it difficult for brothas to function and has started some of the most irritating crazes and phrases over the course of her career. She must be stopped for the reasons listed below.
1. "Bills, Bills, Bills" - First off, the video is set in a hair salon...everyone I know who does hair makes a pretty decent living, as much as Black women pay to get their hair done on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. I've heard of taking someone shopping, but if you're paying bills for women you don't live with, you're messing the game up for everybody.
2. "Independent Women" - WTF...see #1. So let's confirm one way or another...either yo uare independent or you need your Comcast bill paid. Stop flip-floppin'.
3. "Soldier" - This is just great...so basically we're encouraging young ladies to only go for the thugs and drug dealers, which is what the lyrics imply word-for-word. How positive for the Black community. Thanks, B!
4. "Bootylicious" - Honestly, I wasn't mad at this song. I just want to know what "jelly" Michelle was referring to...that girl needs three square meals per day, nothing less, if she wants to achieve bootylicious status.
5. "Crazy In Love" - Don't get me wrong, this was a great song, but that dance she started was not for everybody, though everybody tried to emulate it. E'rybody ain't able.
6. "Diva" - OK, good song, but I'm just waiting to see the first girl in the club trying to wear those glasses that look like one of those hanging bead doorways you might find in a fortune teller's parlor. Stop it...before you even start.
7. "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" - Of course I was gonna feel some kinda way about this. Now every chick thinks they can say "if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it", but this does not in any way apply to every situation because everybody ain't marriage material. If he didn't put a ring on it, believe you me, there's a reason. Diamonds are pricey and it's a recession. Listening to a song and throwing on some lycra does not make anyone marriage material.
8. That phone commercial where she is performing "Upgrade U" and looks up in the middle to talk to you about upgrading your phone plan while doing some form of shimmy...what the blood clot?
I'm sure I will think of more, but the moral of this story is this: BEYONCE IS BEYONCE...DO YOU!
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