I'VE MOVED!!!!

I want to thank all of you for following me thus far on Blogger.  I moved over to Wordpress and I'm getting more traffic and trying to give you new content on a more consistent basis.  You can now read my newest posts and most of your favorite blogs from the past here:

The Shaka Shaw Show: Reloaded

Bookmark it!  Thanks and see you over there.

Real recognize real,

Shaka.

Red Houseshoes

Red Bandana-Pattern Houseshoes: $17.99

Getting shot in the face while wearing a $17.99 pair of houseshoes: Priceless

Dr. Dre's Detox: Masterpiece in the Making?

by Shaka Shaw

Since he started production on the album in 2004, hip-hop heads have played a cat-and-mouse game with Dr. Dre awaiting the release of Detox, his third (and supposedly final) studio album. Here's a brief time-line.

Initial Release Date: Fall 2005

Power 106 Interview on 2/18/07: Dre said he had completed 18 "potential tracks" and announced that the introductory track would be titled "Intervention"

September 2007: Dre shows up on-stage at the VMAs and slipped in an announcement that Detox will be released soon. He then went on record in the same month with Billboard magazine saying that it will be his final album and would be released in 2008.

May 2008: Tony Yayo and Lloyd Banks go on record with Defsounds, saying that 50 Cent had recorded about 3 songs, but that they were unsure as to whether either of them would make appearances.

June 2008: Both Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre announce that the album is completed

Most recently, Dre told MTV that Detox will be released before 50 Cent and Eminem's upcoming projects, which are slated for this year. There has been a lot of speculation about which artists have collaborated with Dre on the Detox project. Among them are Snoop Dogg, 50 Cent, Eminem, Lloyd Banks, The Game, Mary J. Blige, Marsha Ambrosius, Jay-Z, Warren G, Li'l Wayne, T.I., Devin the Dude, Nas, Ice Cube, and Fergie. He is also said to have collaborated with J.R. Rotem, Hi-Tek, Mike Elizondo, and Scott Storch, among others. 

Hopefully, the recently released banger "Topless" is an indication of things to come. Nas and T.I. absolutely murder their respective verses on the track while Dre provides the chorus. From start to finish, this is a seamless work of art. The piano is classic Dre, with traces of his trademark G-Funk style coming through prevalently, despite the two featured guests being from Atlanta and New York, respectively. Dre is one of few producers with the ability to completely own a track, regardless of whether he raps on it or not.

What worries me, however, is that Dr. Dre is not the same artist as he was in 1992 when The Chronic was dropped. Granted, he did release 2001 in 1999 to critical acclaim. But ten years later, at 44 years old, can he really live up to the hype and release a classic in today's market that will not only match, but surpass the level of excellence achieved with The Chronic and 2001?

The bulk of the criticism from the 2001 album was with regard to the lesser-known contributors Dre chose to work with, many of whom can't even be referenced on Wikipedia. Though Dre has a great ear and the finished product was a masterpiece, one must admit that there were a lot of nobodies on that album, many of whom are currently nowhere on hip-hop's radar. Hittman appeared on a total of ten tracks on 2001, but his debut on Dre's Aftermath label was shelved and he's pretty much disappeared since. Dr. Dre has made some new friends since '99. 

His increased involvement with 50 Cent and Eminem will undoubtedly influence Detox's overall sound, but this could be a curse or blessing. The Chronic is an album that is well loved for its distinctive Cali flavor, accurately capturing the tone of LA in the early 1990s. 2001 included Eminem as the first non-West Coast contributor on a Dre album, but Em's style meshed well with the feel of each record he was featured on. Though 50 has worked with Dr. Dre frequently, I wonder if his contribution, which I am sure will affect multiple songs, will detract from what could be a much-needed victory for the relatively dormant West Coast.

There have been rumors that Aftermath's prodigal son The Game will contribute to the album, despite the well-publicized distance Dre has put between them due to beef with 50. This would be a good move if it actually happens. A Dr. Dre-Game collaboration at this point would without question be an event. Though Ice Cube, Snoop, and DJ Quik are all but confirmed as guest artists, but Dre is in a position to breathe new life into a lot of West Coast MCs' careers, like Ras Kass, Xzibit (who appears three times on 2001) and the Dogg Pound. As a West Coast legend, it would be a serious disappointment if Detox didn't serve to not only re-confirm Dre himself artistically, but to re-establish the West Coast as an entity in the hip-hop community at a time when New York MCs are failing to represent and southern MCs basically have a monopoly on the game.

My other concern is that Dr. Dre's well-documented perfectionism is stunting his ability to actually complete the album. Hip-hop is easily the most dynamic form of music. With each track that's released, a new slang term, dance, or hot ticket item is introduced that almost instantly dates the song. If Dre started work on Detox in 2004, it is very possible that there will not be any songs actually produced in 2004 or 2005 on the finished product simply due to relevance. Dre might finish a track, but by the time he finishes five more, the first one may be completely dated. In October 2008, DJ Quik told Loud.com that he had heard 60 out of 400 potential songs Dre had developed at that time for the album. Luckily, Dre is an artist who does not think anything of reaching out to those who can assist him in his craft like Quik, co-producer Scott Storch, and even the legendary Burt Bachrach, who Quik says has been instructing Dre on the piano.

Despite all of the doubt, like most hip-hop and music fans in general, I can't wait for Detox, no matter what direction Dre chooses to go in. This actually may be the first CD I have physically purchased in the store for quite a while (I feel bad enough about downloading the tracks that have leaked so far...not that bad though). At the end of the day, regardless of the hype and tremendous expectations surrounding the album, Dre needs room (and apparently lots and lots of time) to grow as an artist and we should expect considerable growth and expansion on this project. If you can't get with it, there is alwaysl the Chronic, 2001, Doggystyle, etc. to revisit if you're still looking for the traditional bitches-and-blunts Dre of the nineties.

Deeper Than Rap: Rick Ross - Review

By Shaka Shaw

Despite a tumultuous year, Rick Ross' Deeper Than Rap is still one of the most anticipated albums of 2009. I think we can just go ahead and put a 2011 release date on Dr. Dre's Detox, although he's made promises to release it this year. While beef with 50 is prevalent throughout the project, Ross continues to establish himself as a force to be reckoned with, not only in Southern rap, but in hip-hop in general.

"Mafia Music" is the big opener, although it has been on the Internet for over a month as fuel to the Ross-50 fire. Nevertheless, when I heard it for the first time, I almost kicked over the coffee table. Ross spits straight fire for the entirety of the song, no hooks and no featured artists. "Creflo prayed/Mike Vick paid/ Bobby Brown strayed/ Whitney lost weight/ Kimbo Slice on the pad when I write..." Indeed. However, one of the flaws of the album could be the inclusion of so much instigation, with "In Cold Blood", "Mafia Music", and "Valley of Death" hanging 50 Cent, G-Unit, and even Trick Daddy out to dry. Save the beef for the mixtapes and let us know why you're better by giving your fans a consistent product.

On "Murda Mami", a collaboration with Foxy Brown, Brown compares the two to a 'hood version of the Obamas, while the chorus touts the pair as the '09 Bonnie & Clyde. The silly comparisons and a faux-reggae performance by Fox make this collabo a little hard to swallow. Where was all the patois when Ill Na Na came out? On the other hand, Ross' collabo with Trina, "Face", puts Ross exactly where he needs to be. This track reminds me of "Money Make Me Come", a winner off of the last album. Trina is just go-hard enough to ride with Ross on this one and the track bounces like a 6-4 Impala from beginning to end.

"Gunplay" is the pre-requisite posse track, or rather one where he lets one member of the crew eat. Thankfully, Ross leaves out the rest of Carol City Cartel and only includes Gunplay (yes, this is his name) on this track, though the lyrically-proven homie Brisco would have probably been a better choice. Gunplay's verse and hook contribution were actually pretty good. "Usual Suspects" features Nas and Ross holds his own, but of course Nas takes over on verse two. The problem here is the lazy chorus provided by some kind of Akon wannabe. A waste of a Nas feature, in my opinion, but I didn't hate it.

"Maybach Music II" was supposed to be a follow-up to the Jay-Z collabo on the Trilla album, but is in a whole different lane altogether in my opinion. The energy is completely different. While the first version crawled along elegantly, similar to the track's namesake, this one has more of an extravagant feel, with what sounds like a full symphony behind the featured artists. Ross spits a particularly strong verse, but Kanye and Wayne in my opinion used throwaway verses. The first version's inclusion of Jay-Z made it a more mature track, but this one blends with a lot of the other tracks on Deeper Than Rap, when it could have been its own animal altogether. "Valley of Death", though riddled with shots at Trick Daddy and 50, is overall a great song, reminiscent of a vintage Jay-Z track. He even addresses the corrections officer debacle: "Only live once and I got two kids/ And for me to feed them I'll get two gigs/ I'll shovel shit, I'll C.O./ So we can bow our head and pray over the meat loaf..." Chuuuch.

The primary disappointment with the album for me were a few tracks where it seems like Ross is testing the waters for a crossover. The first single "Magnificent" is a solid track that I really can't say anything bad about. I didn't care for it at first, buit it grew on me. "All I Really Want" featuring the Dream is another R&B feature where Ross plays the overweight lover role alongside Dream's Jackson 5-esque vocals. This will undoubtedly grow on me as well, but one can't help but think Ross isn't as smooth as he likes to think he is. The R&B feel wears out its welcome, however, with Ne-Yo and Robin Thicke both appearing on different tracks, and not for the betterment of the project.I guess at some point you have to let an artist spread their wings and explore new lanes, but Ross may have jumped the gun, as evidenced by some of the more lackluster R&B-infused joints on Deeper Than Rap. The success of "Here I Am" featuring Nelly and Avery Storm from Trilla must have opened Ross' eyes to a crossover audience he hadn't been able to crack before...and still may have difficulty cracking if he can't manage the balance between mainstream recognition and the unapologetic Southern-fried gangster rap that made him famous.

Despite a few missteps, however, Deeper Than Rap is another solid effort by Ross, who should be noted for great song selection, consistent production quality, and tremendously improved delivery and lyrics. We may need a few more solid projects for Ross to truly call himself "Biggie of the South", but he makes a great argument.

RATING: 3.5 out of 5 Dutches

Kanye West: Unforgiveable

Come on people...this sh*t has got to stop.

Jesus, walk with him.

Black People Starter Kit Part 2: Avoid At All Costs

So after the first installment, we know what to do to reinforce your Blackness in the event that you went to college and got brand new, don't watch enough BET or just have a lot of white friends. Now let's discuss the things you need to avoid at all costs if you are trying to hold on to any shred of Blackness.

Water (solid or liquid) - Though there are some exceptions, for the most part we try to avoid open water, unfamiliar swimming pools, or snow. It goes back to the days of slavery when slaveowners would tell slaves tall tales about mythical creatures dwelling underwater to keep them from swimming to freedom. To this day, we will have the best outfit on at the pool party and not get into the water above the ankle. Similarly, it is not an odd thing to see a group of Black people at a ski lodge with great-looking, pristine (and unused) ski suits and winter wear. It would be odd to see one of us out there on the slopes, though. Oh yeah, and most sistas would rather eat a baby before getting their hair wet.

Daytime Minutes - We don't pay for anything we can find a way around. Cell phone companies made it easy for us not to pay them any more than we have to by coming up with paid daytime usage versus free nighttime minutes. I don't remember the last time I picked up my phone to talk period, let alone during the day! If you are calling a Black person on a Wednesday at about 4 in the afternoon, you had better find a way to text or send a smoke signal if it's an emergency.

Bill Collectors - Avoiding bill collectors and Rent-A-Center employees is an age-old art passed down generation to generation in the Black community, consisting of intricate phone activity and opening accounts under infants' names (Little Man-Man is 5 years old with two Civics on lease and little Jada has a Blockbuster account in her name at 2). From an early age, Black children learn never to just pick up the phone if you don't know who it is calling. If a call is truly important, a message will be left, so there is never a need to jump to the phone on the first ring. Then they came out with caller ID and now no one gets their money. Rumor has it that the big blackout they had in New York a couple years back was because Pepco was trying to teach Harlem a lesson.

Bluegrass Music - We may be a music-loving people, an easy way to clear out a check cashing spot in East Oakland is to play some bluegrass music. Though I'm sure the people who create this music have the best intentions, it always sounds like the theme song to a hangin'. We're cool.

Leaving the Gate Open - I'm not sure what this is, exactly, just don't do it.

Supercuts - Though the ads you see on buses and billboards might try to tell you that SuperCuts can make anyone look good, do not by any means believe the hype. Unless you want to come out looking like Eddie Winslow, I suggest going to see Craig 'n' em at your local could-be-a-drug-depot barber shop and get the usual (black barbers can usually tell how you want it done without asking). Also, the advantage to a black shop is that you can request the "John Legend nappy taper", the "Robert Townsend Classic" or the "John Salley" and everyone knows what you mean without Google Images.

Milk - I don't know any Black women who drink milk. Sure, a little milk in your cereal or coffee is common, but a full glass of ice-cold milk in a Black household is definitely an anomaly. I sometimes see white families on TV drinking milk with dinner and it's absolute insanity in my opinion. Milk with casserole? Really?

Stereotypes are funny because there's always an ounce of truth to every one. As Dave Chappelle would say, I don't get upset about chicken and watermelon jokes because chicken and watermelon are delicious and I must have consumed more fried chicken in my lifetime than most poultry farmers' families. The only way we can really affect race relations positively is to establish some comfort between the races and stop taking everything so seriously, especially when humor is involved and there is no malicious intent. I still don't want to see police shooting any Obama-monkeys in the '09, though. We will get John Legend in front of a laptop again. Don't play.

Believe the Hype: Asher Roth - Asleep In The Bread Aisle

While some might be tempted to write Roth off as a novelty act or cult favorite, Roth puts in the necessary work to prove otherwise. If you were lucky enough to get a copy of The Greenhouse Effect, Roth's debut mixtape project, complete with an assist from DJ Drama and Don Cannon, you know what I'm talking about. Roth demolishes instrumentals for "Black Mags" by the Cool Kids, and "Cannon" by DJ Drama among others, putting his own creative spin on each.

The second single off of the actual album "Asleep In The Bread Aisle" is "Lark On My Go-Kart", which comes off like a psychedelic stream of consciousness with Mario Kart and Saved by the Bell references over production that sounds like a hip-hop video game. Though Roth's nasal voice and slightly over-pronounced delivery has drawn him some obvious comparisons to Eminem, but this comparison doesn't do Roth justice. There are vocal similarities, but Roth's college-boy sensibilities and alternative influences set him apart in his own lane. I would even put him closer to Kanye West or Kid Cudi musically.

The first single off of the album was "I Love College", a frat-house ode to beer, pizza, marijuana, and higher education. In the same vein, "Blunt Cruisin'", Roth's tribute to the suburban pasttime of driving with weed, delviers a feel-good vibe that isn't usually found in hip-hop today (think Pharcyde, Beasti Boys or De La Soul)."Lion's Roar", which features Busta Rhymes over what sounds like a Moby track, was in the words of Randy Jackson "just a'ight for me, dog". Though Roth's flow is effortlessly and the frenetic energy level is consisten throughout, the lackluster Busta verse leaves a lot to be desired and the hokey chorus keeps it from being a track I will want to play too often. "Perfectionist" is an awkward collaboration with Beanie Sigel and Rock City, where after Ash's verse, the song seems to become a whole different song. The chorus kills the potential of the track, with Rock City's lazy hook unfortunately sounding like everything else on the radio.

It's clear Asher Roth is at his best when left to his own devices, which says a lot nowadays when every artist features at least one other artist on every other track. He specifically shines on his more introspective tracks like the political tirade"Sour Patch Kids", the motivational "La Di Da", and the soulful, family-friendly "His Dream". Overall, this is a rock-solid debut with a lot of range from an artist who refuses to fit the mold of what is expected of a hip-hop artist, and with good reason. On "Asleep in the Bread Aisle", Asher Roth gives a voice to hip-hop heads who happen to be from the 'burbs and still doesn't alienate the backpackers and anyone else who appreciates authenticity.

Lord of the iPod: Volume 1...Constant Rotation

These are some songs that are on heavy rotation on the iPod at the moment and a little commentary on each. So we've established that I've got some time on my hands and I've accepted that...Anyway, hit up imeem.com and like I always say, get familiar.

Every Girl - Li'l Wayne & FriendsThough I think Wayne has started to stretch himself out too thin recently, I saw him perform this on MTV Spring Break with Drake, Jae Millz, and someone else and decided to download it based on that. This would have been better suited for a summer call-and-response anthem, though. It feels like it's too soon.

Lark On My Go-Kart - Asher RothI've been on Asher Roth since DJ Drama and DJ Cannon's brilliant co-signing of the dude on "The Greenhouse Effect Vol. 1" mixtape, which came with a vicious freestlye to the "Cannon" instrumental, among other jewels. On this track, Ash brags about Mario Kart skills, makes Saved by the Bell references, and Cheetos being his "choice of chip". You gotta respect a white rapper that reps for the burbs, especially when he does it with a real grasp of hip-hop and a seamless delivery.

Pennies - The Cool KidsThis beat bangs heavily on the right system. Though the Cool Kids are decidedly retro in references and fashion sense, they definitely take it to 2030 from a musical standpoint. The production is really where it's at on this track, with a hard bassline and what sounds like a loop of that beeping you hear when you leave an old car's door open, which surprisingly makes the song better and isn't annoying at all. Not to mention the catchy whistle which makes the song something you HAVE to rewind once it's done.

Look Up At The Stars - Kid Cudi f/ WaleThese dudes are generations ahead of most rappers in the game right now and this track demonstrates that to death. I'm not mad at the auto-tuned hook, either. For some reason, the movie TRON comes to mind listening to this.

Impress the Kid - Slick RickThis isn't new, but was a recent find for me. Slick Rick re-establishes that his delivery has only become better with age. Come get some, you little bums.

Pop Champagne (Remix) - The Clipse f/ Ab-LivaSo just when I was getting sick of "Pop Champagne" (I swear it took a month for me to admit I kinda liked it in the first place), the Clipse drop verses to it and put Ab Liva on it. Ab is one quarter of the Clipse' side project the Re-Up Gang and is one of the most underrated lyricists doing it right now.

Buggin' Out 2009 - Consequence f/ Kid CudiI don't even think I have the full version of this, but when I first heard this, it sounded like some mid-90s Tribe Called Quest, possibly some De La Soul. Coincidentally, Consequence has been around and been associated with Tribe since he guest-starred on the Midnight Marauders album. He and Cudi both drop crisp verses over what sounds like various jazz loops on some Pharcyde ish.

Walking On The Moon - The Dream f/ Kanye West - If you didn't know already, the Dream just recently dropped a masterpiece and this joint serves as case in point. Dream's in a lane of his own making, but this track (like a few off the last one) smells like Prince to me, mixed with a little Michael Jackson circa Thriller.

Me & Nas Bring It To You Hardest - Slick Rick f/ NasAnother not-that-old Slick Rick joint, the Ruler joins with Nas on this one for a track that sounds like mid-90's New York hip-hop. It almost sounds like a sample RZA would use for a Wu-Tang track, with a strong piano presence and a looped vocal.

Electric Feel Remix - MGMT f/ Jim JonesI don't even know what genre to categorize the original song in, but MGMT did the damn thing with this jam. It's like Brand New Heavies meets the Killers, but don't quote me on that. This is so unique, it warrants no comparison, really. The Jim Jones verses on the remix strangely don't take away from the song at all and I actually prefer that version.

Chillin' - Wale f/ Lady GaGaI've heard a lot of buzz around Lady GaGa, but never really heard her until this track. Wale kills the verses, as usual, while Lady GaGa lays the hook. Is it just me or does she sound a little like Santogold?

Hustle - Nipsy HustleThe coast is back! This track is as California as folding up your Dickies and stuffing them under the mattress to keep the crease in. Reminds me of a cross between Snoop Dogg and The Game. This joint almost makes you want to buy a gold herringbone and a pair of blue Chucks...almost.

Wrong Lover - J. Holiday f/ Rick RossWith a surprising Elton John "Bennie & The Jets" sample, Holiday follows up the babymaker single "It's Yours" with this track featuring Rick Ross. Ross is on his overweight-lover, B.I.G. starter kit swag and Holiday lays down solid vocals.

Renaissance (Remix) - Q-Tip f/ Busta Rhymes, Raekwon & Lil WayneLastly, I don't know where this track came from, but these are four excellent verses in my opinion, which well outweigh the track's obscurity. Probably one of my top five rappers of all time, Raekwon steps up after Bus' rock-solid verse and kills it before Wayne closes with a verse that almost makes you not mad at the fact that he's overexposed.

Underappreciated Black TV & Film Roles

Show: Seinfeld
Character: Larry the Cook, owner/manager/cook at Monk's Diner, played by Lawrence Mandley
Quote: (to Jerry)"We don't allow any...outside...syrups in the diner. And if I see it again, I'm going to confiscate it." Also threatened to make George into his "personal hand puppet"
This is the anti-magical Negro, the one who is depicted just as white people see most Black men: not having it at all. Larry was there on more than one occasion to intimidate Jerry and George with actual threats for the most minor of coffee shop offenses. When’s the last time in your adult life that someone has threatened to “confiscate” something from you? He could do that because he was Black.

Show: Thundercats
Character: Panthro, voiced by Earle Hyman
In addition to voice talent provided by Grandfather Huxtable (Earle Hyman), Panthro showed us a lof of Negroid tendencies on this show. First, Panthro was a mechanic...which could also make him Mexican, but that baritone I-used-to-sing-with-Harold-Melvin-&-the-Blue-Notes voice is unmistakable. On one episode, if you watch closely, Panthro can be seen at a monitor in the background watching Showtime at the Apollo.

Show: Seinfeld
Character: Rebecca De Mornay (!)
Rebecca De Mornay was a heavy-set Black woman who (surprise!) didn’t take no mess. She is the director of an NYC homeless shelter and gets upset when Elaine drops some bags of muffin stumps (you’d have to see the episode) off at the shelter without their tops. “…oh, so they’re homeless…they’ll eat anything! Why not drop off some lobster shells and chicken skins while you’re at it!!!” She knew damn well she wanted those chicken skins. I’d take ‘em.

Movie: The Mission Impossible series
Character: Ving Rhames as Luther Stickell
"...this is Versace."
Before they even cast this role, it was clear that Luther Stickell would be played by a Black man. First, his name is Luther. Second, the character has a part in Mission Impossible II where he gets pissed about a bullet-hole in his Versace jacket. A surprisingly realistic role, to be honest.

Movie: Return of the Jedi
Character: Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian
When Billy Dee shows up, you just automatically expect him to say something extra cool or to at least plug Colt .45 one good time. His character is actually pretty deep. When confronted with the decision of giving up Han Solo and the gang in exchange for the safety of his city, Billy Dee gives up Han (though he does redeem himself later). He put on for his city.

Movie: Office Space
Character: Door-to-Door Magazine Salesman played by Orlando Jones
So they pretty much went balls to the wall with this one, making one of the only Black actors in the film a vacant-faced door-to-door magazine salesman whose spiel is that he was addicted to crack and trying to turn his life around. He eventually admits that he was never addicted to crack and actually had a decent job, but was laid off.

Show: The Office
Character: Darrell Philbin played by Craig Armstrong
Though Stanley is a more integral part of the show’s dynamic, Darrell, who works in the stockroom and dated Kelly for a while, is always a hilarious addition to any episode he’s featured in. Darrell frequently takes advantage of Michael Scott’s stupidity, teaching him imaginary gang signs and slang.

Movie: Napoleon Dynamite
Character: Lafawnda
Lafawnda was Kip’s pen pal who later in the film came to visit him in Idaho. Lafawnda is a statuesque specimen of a woman, which contrasts with Kip’s pasty, underdeveloped man-child physique. She’s the one who lets Napoleon borrow the famous Jamiroquai tape that he ends up dancing to at the assembly.

I know I'm late, but congratulations, Mr. President.

Black People Starter Kit: The Must-Haves

There's a few things we can't live without as a people. I won't be surprised if a few of these things end up in the White House this year for the first time. Once Obama's presidency ends, wouldn't you love to get your hands on the first hotcomb ever used in the White House? It would go for millions, I'm sure.

Luster's - Ahh, the benefits of Pink Oil moisturizer. If you have never greased your man's scalp at some point, ladies, I have to question the validity of your relationship. Fellas, if your lady has not greased your scalp at some point, you need to put your foot down and say "dammit I coulda had a white girl for this!" (these are just jokes, calm down)

Houseshoes - The corduroy houseshoes in black or tan with the back flattened down under the heel. Infinite comfort, no traction whatsoever. Good not only in the house, but anywhere within a 0.5 mile radius of the home.  Wear with tube socks for best results.

"Fruit" Flavored Beverages (see photo)- They don't even have to taste like fruit, as long as they're colorful. Tampico orange drink was a staple at my grandma's house and I don't even know what fruit that was supposed to be made from, if any. Remember Dave Chappelle? "Juice? N*gga what the f*ck is juice? I want some drink!!!...Ingredients: sugar, water, purple."

Ball Barrettes - Various sizes. More colors than a box of Rainbow Nerds. So many unwarranted, overly elaborate hairstyles. Celly Cell, Mack 10, and MC Eiht ruined it for everyone and took it way too far. This was never intended for men.  Fun Fact: In Black neighborhoods, ball barrettes and actual weave can be bought at gas stations, corner markets, and convenience stores, all affectionately known as "the sto'".

Obnoxious Snack Foods - Flamin' Hot Cheetos. David Sunflower Seeds...BBQ flavor if they got it. Salt & Vinegar chips. Basically, we like anything that dirties your hands, makes a lot of noise when eaten, or leaves a lingering scent and/or complete mess.

Oprah - Walk into any hair salon and say something bad about Oprah (even something minor..."Oprah's feet stink") and see if you don't get beaten like a rented mule. From "The Color Purple" to the present, Black women have been rollin' with Oprah from day one. Do not test that loyalty.

White Ts - This is one of the best things we ever came up with. I mean at what point can you buy four shirts for $20? It's the most cost-effective style the Black community has ever brought into style. Unfortunately, a man could get shot in the face for spilling some "red drink" on your white T. But wait...I mean, we are the same people who produced George Washington Carver. We also came up with the black T!!!  Designed for evening attire.

Blunts - Sure, it is less healthy than using a bong, pipe, or Zig-Zag, but brothas love the blunts. Dutch Masters. White Owls. Phillies. Swisher Sweets!!!! Something about the tactile experience of rolling the blunt itself makes it a valid life skill for us. I actually took Introduction to Blunt Rolling for a semester at Howard.  You had to work your way up from Phillies to Backwoods.

Daytime Television - Maury Povich is a Black show. I don't care what anyone says. Seeing a grown man do the Souljah Boy when he finds out he "is NOT the father" confirms it. Remember Ricky Lake? The Richard Bey Show? Sally Jesse Raphael? Jenny Jones? These were all marketed for us.  Don't even get me started on Jerry Springer.  

Do-Rags/Head Accessories - You don't even have to have a hairstyle requiring a do-rag to wear one anymore. Remember when everybody had waves, though? I remember in high school, like six dudes would be in class with wooden brushes constantly brushing their hair throughout the entire class. Mine were kickin' for a while too, but I don't have the dedication in me to put that much work into it anymore. My arms get tired.  Sidenote.  It isn't uncommon to see a do-rag coupled with a sweatband, baseball cap, or visor either.  If you see somebody doing this, do me a favor and kick them in the back of the neck for me.

Black Magazines - Did anybody REALLY read Jet? Jet magazine is the single most dangerous item found in a Black home due to sheer quantity. One Jet a month since 1977 is a housefire just waiting to jump off. For the uninitiated, Jet is basically a magazine that gives mostly news about Black celebrities the mainstream media didn't count.  ("Did you know Peabo Bryson just bought a new house?") Your grandparents kept Jet in their house, your parents subscribed to Ebony and Essence, and now we have Vibe and Honey and...wait...what do you mean Honey went under? They spent all the money? See, that's why we can't have anything nice...

The Lottery - Another way the Man gets our money. I know people who have played (and boast about having played) Lotto twice a week every week since 1983 and only won $75 total since. Think about what that expense could be if it was regularly added to a bank account, accruing interest over time?  Maybe some stocks and bonds?  You know, white people stuff.

Menthols - Newports have got to be the worst-smelling, worst-tasting cigarette ever made. Outside of prison, I really don't get why people ever buy these, but they are extremely popular.  In addition to the tobacco addiction, you also have the addiction to menthol to deal with. This is why I'm addicted to Carmex now.  I remember this place called Sarah's Seafood in DC near Howard's campus where basically you can get a shrimp & fries plate, a pack of Now & Laters, and a pack of Newports, all served with a smile through bulletproof glass.  

Nikes - Bills on the table. Tax season is coming up. Little Man-Man needs braces. New Jordans for the whole family.

Public Service Announcement: Beyonce Knowles Must Be Stopped!!!

Disclaimer: For those of you to whom Ms. Knowles is a personal hero, relax...these are just jokes. She is an excellent performer, so respect due, but the effect she has on her fans is ridiculous. Beyonce Knowles is making it difficult for brothas to function and has started some of the most irritating crazes and phrases over the course of her career. She must be stopped for the reasons listed below.

1. "Bills, Bills, Bills" - First off, the video is set in a hair salon...everyone I know who does hair makes a pretty decent living, as much as Black women pay to get their hair done on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. I've heard of taking someone shopping, but if you're paying bills for women you don't live with, you're messing the game up for everybody.

2. "Independent Women" - WTF...see #1. So let's confirm one way or another...either yo uare independent or you need your Comcast bill paid. Stop flip-floppin'.

3. "Soldier" - This is just great...so basically we're encouraging young ladies to only go for the thugs and drug dealers, which is what the lyrics imply word-for-word. How positive for the Black community. Thanks, B!

4. "Bootylicious" - Honestly, I wasn't mad at this song. I just want to know what "jelly" Michelle was referring to...that girl needs three square meals per day, nothing less, if she wants to achieve bootylicious status.

5. "Crazy In Love" - Don't get me wrong, this was a great song, but that dance she started was not for everybody, though everybody tried to emulate it. E'rybody ain't able.

6. "Diva" - OK, good song, but I'm just waiting to see the first girl in the club trying to wear those glasses that look like one of those hanging bead doorways you might find in a fortune teller's parlor. Stop it...before you even start.

7. "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)" - Of course I was gonna feel some kinda way about this. Now every chick thinks they can say "if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it", but this does not in any way apply to every situation because everybody ain't marriage material. If he didn't put a ring on it, believe you me, there's a reason. Diamonds are pricey and it's a recession. Listening to a song and throwing on some lycra does not make anyone marriage material.

8. That phone commercial where she is performing "Upgrade U" and looks up in the middle to talk to you about upgrading your phone plan while doing some form of shimmy...what the blood clot?

I'm sure I will think of more, but the moral of this story is this: BEYONCE IS BEYONCE...DO YOU!

Why I'm Not Mad At Hip-Hop

For years and years, I have heard people ask the question: "what's happened" in reference to the way that hip-hop has changed over the years, stating that it has become overly sexual, overly materialistic, or lacks substance. There have been moments where I've fallen in and out of love with hip-hop, but I always come back to it with all of the enthusiasm I grew up with.
I was raised on hip-hop. My parents were young, so it was nothing for my dad to pick me up from school playing N.W.A. or Ice Cube in the car. My dad was originally from South Central so west coast gangsta rap was always a staple ion the house, although Rakim, A Tribe Called Quest, and a variety of diverse artists were also played frequently, blended with everything from rock to jazz to reggae. Today, you can find everything from Sinatra to UGK on my iPod and I'm actually really excited about hip-hop right now.

"No More Good Music"

My feeling is that if anyone is complaining about not being able to find good music, they aren't looking hard enough. Radio and TV are big business at this point, especially when associated with hip-hop, so if you're listening to the radio or watching BET or MTV, you're allowing yourself to be force-fed the mainstream, which is not necessarily for everyone, particularly those who are more knowledgeable about music. I don't listen to the radio and haven't in about ten years. I do watch BET almost on a daily basis and I just look at it for what it is. 106 & Park comes on after I get home from work, so it's easy to just shut off the brain for a moment and enjoy the show. If something comes on I can't get with, I understand that their target age group is ten years or so younger than me and exercise my ability to change the channel! The way I go about finding new music is by either word of mouth, reading, or simply trial & error, which is the only way to really go about it in my eyes if you want more than what's being offered in mainstream media.

"Too Much Sex in Hip-Hop"

As far as hip-hop being over-sexualized today, look at society as a whole. EVERYTHING is over-sexualized. Hip-hop is a product of its environment and art imitates life. I wasn't mad at Nelly's "Tip Drill" video. As long as everyone involved was over 18 and was cut a check, what is the issue? Sure, it showed some crass behavior, but it's building a fantasy. Men see fully-dressed women every day, so what is TV for if not an escape from everyday life? If you're anything like me, you can enjoy the visual, but in real life, you wouldn't look at any of those women as relationship material considering their line of work anyway. I am willing to give most Black men the benefit of the doubt that they know the difference between a real woman and what is depicted in videos. It is up to us as a community to make sure our children know this too, but we can't allow for artists to take on that responsibility for us (and if your kid was up after 3am watching BET Uncut when it was on, then they're in trouble anyway).

Why I'm Not Mad At Souljah Boy

Souljah Boy falls into a relatively new category of artists who make what many would call "fluff" music, or music of little substance. Some would go so far as to say it's not hip-hop. What was "Rapper's Delight" if not a party song, even to this day? Would anyone question the validity of that song as hip-hop? Personally, I love Common and Mos Def and what people would call "conscious MCs", but if I'm getting ready to step out or if I'm in a club, that isn't what I want to hear. I want something to fit the situation. Black music has become extremely successful over the past 20 years, so it's only natural that the progression of many artists will be toward the celebration of their success. Souljah Boy's having the time of his life and making music on his age level, so I can't knock the hustle. Hip-hop was supposed to be fun, right? I think the best thing about hip-hop today is that there are so many facets to it and it represents everyone. Hip-hop is one of the only truly organic art forms. You notice that jazz, reggae, rock etc. all have distinctive sounds that make them what they are. Hip-hop can be infused into any other type of music and a hip-hop track can come totally out of left field with a new sound and still be credible. Lighten up, folks.

Leaders of the New School

I'm actually really optimistic about hip-hop. Hip-hop's grown into a genre that's got something for everyone. Just look at the following artists: Wale, Mickey Factz, Cory Gunz, Asher Roth, the Cool Kids, Lupe Fiasco, the Foreign Exchange, and Kid Cudi to name a few (I swear I was up on all of these long before the XXL article). Then look at the effect that hip-hop is having on R&B with artists like T-Pain and the Dream taking it in a different direction. There's even some influence from entirely separate genres (see Li'l Wayne's "Prom Queen" and Kanye West's recent "808s & Heartbreaks").

The point is that this is an organic art form and remaining stagnant or only making songs with a message would do our whole community a disservice by not allowing it to expand and be all-inclusive. If you don't like what you are seeing in the mainstream, go out and support the artists you care about...buy a CD, see a live show, or blog about it and let others know. The media presents what the public shows they want economically, so the dollar speaks in this instance. Just sitting back and complaining is counterproductive.

And if you still can't find any good music, holla at me and I'll burn you some CDs...no seriously, I will burn you a CD.

On Repeat: "Yes" by Li'l Wayne featuring Pharrell Williams (or vice versa, I'm not sure...)

While blog-surfing, I stumbled across a post talking about the song "Yes" by Li'l Wayne and Pharrell, at which point I immediately fired up my Limewire to download it.  The beat has that same aliens-in-Africa energy you heard on "A Milli", but this song's a whole new animal.  Every now and then comes a song that just makes you want to slap the next person who says anything out of pocket to you (while screaming "Do you know who I am?"), I mean, just pumps you up to the point of no return.  This is that joint.  The arrogance involved with Pharrell and Wayne exchanging stunt-tastic verses over this space-age track and Pharrell on the hook is just mind-blowing...

"...get a stack in each hand/ and hold it like ya fresh/ they say 'man it's like that?'/ say 'YEEES n***a YEEES n***a..."

You get the picture...obtain this any way you can!

Rhythm & Blues 2009

For a while, I was giving up on R&B.  I can't stomach R. Kelly anymore and the rest of the upstarts on the scene just weren't putting it down in a real way.  Lyrics were lacking and creativity had become a thing of the past.  Recently, however, a few artists have breathed new life into the genre and I think the future of R&B is looking brighter.

• Jazmine Sullivan - seeming to almost come out of nowhere, Jazmine Sullivan hit us with the Missy-assisted "Need U Bad" and followed up with the vindictive "Bust Your Windows".  She reminds me of Mary J. Blige with a little neo-soul mixed in.  Great vocals and original songwriting.  Favorite Tracks: "Music" (featuring Floetry...20 minutes of music for the sheets) & "Lions, Tigers & Bears"
• The Dream - He's been out for a while, but everything that came out this year had a tinge of what the Dream brought to the game: somethin' new.  "Shawty Is A Ten" was a true banger and his self-proclaimed title of "radio-killer" held true as he released "Falsetto" and "I Luv Your Girl".  The Dream came out with a sound that could be appreciated by brothas that aren't normally into R&B by adding a little bit of street and a sound that's unmistakably futuristic.  Favorite Tracks: "All I Need" (a Sterling Simms track featuring Jadakiss...listen for his trademark "Ay, ay")
• T-Pain - Say what you want about my man's vocals and the ever-present auto-tunes, but Pain created his own lane in the music game, blending old-school Roger Troutman vocals with new-school R&B and something that's (don't know if I should use this twice) futuristic.  And now look at all of the imitators...Favorite little-knowns: "Superbad" (a Sophia Fresh track featuring Cee-lo...a club banger) & "Studio Love" (featuring Li'l Wayne croaking out a verse on this smoothed-out baby-maker)
• Keri Hilson - I don't know how anyone could front on "The Way I Are", Timbaland's genre-blending hit with Keri Hilson on vocals.  Her single "Energy" was next up and then came "Turnin' Me On" a jam featuring the eponymous Li'l Wayne.
• Marsha Ambrosius - Aside from her work with Floetry, Marsha has been putting in solo work for a minute.  A recent mixtape called "Neo Soul Is Dead" hints at a possible solo project.  Her voice is incredibly ranged and she's not afraid to get a little gangsta, as evidenced by tracks with Nas and the Game ("Why You Hate The Game" and "Hustlers") and Freeway ("This Can't Be Real").  Favorite Little-Knowns: "Murda" (solo featuring The Game) & "Freakin' Me" (a Jamie Foxx track featuring Ms. Ambrosius)
• Jamie Foxx - The new album "Intuition" is crazy!!!  'Nuff said!  Favorite tracks: "Digital Girl"(featuring Kanye) & "Blame It"(featuring T-Pain)
• Sterling Simms - A new artist who you may remember from a feature on Jay-Z's Kingdom Come album.  He's got some good lyrics and some serious production that may keep him around for a while and judging by the homie's Facebook status, he's working on a second album.  Check out "Jumpoff" featuring Sean Paul of the Youngbloodz, that good take-you-home banger for the late night club crawl.
• Ryan Leslie - Major buzz has been generated about this cat recently.  He's been putting out some quality work!  Check out the hypnotic "Addiction" featuring Fabolous and Cassie and "Kiss Me" featuring Cassie.
• More to come, but let me know who you think is doin' it right now...

Let's Get Back to Us Loving Us.

I'm a judgmental person as you might be able to determine, but I'm usually right. Stereotypes don't really upset me, because there's some truth to most of them. I also believe that the way one presents themselves is the way they would like to be perceived. That being said, as a reality TV junkie, I had to catch the first episode of the new season of Real World, set in Brooklyn. They had all the usual archetypical cast members: the gay guy, the redneck, the tatted up hipster, etc.
One castmate grabbed my interest, of course, because she was the only Black cast member (you know they can't have more than one or the whole place would smell like burnt hair and there would be sunflower seed shells everywhere). However, the first time they showed her onscreen, I immediately told A.: "She looks like the type to go out of her way to say she doesn't date Black men". Her look and mannerisms (I'm all for bourgie Black and speaking properly, but you can tell when somebody likes to swim in the other end of the pool) just seemed to spark my prejudice. She never confirmed this suspicion, but when castmate Scott walked in, a blond, bodybuilder type, it cut to a scene of her gushing about how amazing she thought he was. In another scene, some of the cast members are shown in a room doing various things and she was laying on the bed looking up at him like he was Jesus resurrected. I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
I once worked with a white girl who told me that her Black friend did not date Black men at all, claiming we were all "disrespectful" and some other BS. Shaka being Shaka, I told her that her friend was a disgrace and should be ashamed of herself. The white girl had a Black boyfriend, so she hit me with: "Well, my boyfriend says the same thing about not dating Black women, so you're saying he's a disgrace too?" Of course, Shaka being Shaka, I said "Yes". She didn't talk to me for like a month.
Given the irreparable damage done to the Black community for over 400 years in this country both by ourselves (can't point fingers with dirty hands) and American media and pop culture, there is an epidemic among Black people that causes some of us to have a poor self-image. I have no problem with people choosing to date whites, I do take issue with those who can't acknowledge the beauty of their own people and culture. To exclude members of the opposite sex as far as datign and relationships is to exclude your own ancestors, relatives, and parents. I was raised surrounded by beautiful, strong Black women, which is why I can't consider anything but.
I salute any Black couple who are in a functional relationship. It can be difficult dependent upon the circumstance, but there is nothing like seeing yourself in your significant other. Chuuurch!

TV Gold: Operation Repo

I spent the better part of tonight watching a show on Tru TV called Operation Repo, a reality show that follows a crew of reposession agents around San Fernando Valley retrieving various vehicles from all kinds of delinquent owners for the finance companies that hire them. The boss is Lou Pizarro and he works with his sister, Sonia, her ex-husband Froy, and occassionally Lou's daughter Lyndah. Matt Burch is the muscle of the crew and is the most confrontational of all of the agents, frequently shoving and instigating fights with the car owners. The scenes are so outrageous that you think it could be staged, but they couldn't get people to do this good an acting job for such a low-budget show.
On one episode, Froy and Matt enter the backyard of a property with a person who says that they are going to give them their car. People rarely ever give up their car on the show, so it seemed sketchy, especially since the guy had just pushed Matt (who is a bald, tattooed muscle-bound Stone Cold Steve Austin type and not the guy to be pushing). Suddenly you hear one of the guys yell "GUN! RUN!" and the two agents and a herd of cameramen are racing for the cars, but not before the cameramen get a few shots of the car owner with two other guys we hadn't seen before, one carrying a .45 and the other two carryign assault rifles. On another episode, they run into a mentally disturbed preacher who claims that the Lord has paid his car note and that the devil has sent Lou and the guys to pick up his car. Priceless.
At the end of the season, Matt is apparently fired for flipping a car he was towing while a cameraman was riding in it. To his defense, Matt had to take a dump really bad and the cameraman was told a few times by both Matt and Froy not to ride in the car. I don't see how the show can continue without Matt, who was responsible for many scuffles that took place on the show, including the guys (and a surprisingly useful Sonia) going up unarmed against two men armed with a 2x4 and a crowbar. Regardless of whether this was the first and last season, I want physical copies of the show in-house and on-shelf!!! Nothing is safe as the crew reposesses ice cream trucks, tractors, forklifts, motorcycles, and luxury cars (one was even reposessed from the set of a porno). Matt is offered a 3-foot tall marijuana plant on one episode from a delinquent, immensely baked owner in exchange for allowing him to keep the car, which Matt rejects. Each episode, you're inches away from deciding that the people they come in contact with but then you think: how would you act if these guys showed up at your house and were trying to take your car? Probably something worthy of fifteen minutes on Tru TV.